Death and Croissants by Ian Moore

I fancied reading another whodunnit murder mystery so jumped into Death and Croissants, the first installment in the Follet Vally Mysteries series by Ian Moore.

Englishman and early-retiree, Richard Ainsworth is the owner of a chambre d’hôte (B&B to you and me) in the fictional Val de Follet, a quiet corner of the Loire Valley in France. Richard likes a quiet life with no excitement and he mostly tends to his guests by avoiding eye contact and blending into the background. But that all changes when one his older guests goes missing, leaving a bloody handprint on his expensive wallpaper and a broken pair of spectacles. 

Richard is also a film buff and see the likes of IMDb as the works of the devil. He likes nothing better than to sit down and watch some old movies, especially now that his wife has gone off in search of a more exciting life. He's convinced his marriage is over but he's not entirely sure, well, he is but there are no lawyers involved, yet. He also keeps hens for a supply of fresh eggs for breakfasts and he's called them

This is pretty much a cosy mystery so if you like murder mysteries with minimal gore and a convoluted plot, this should keep you guessing all the way. Given the main protagonist is a bumbling Englishman, I kind of applied an image of Richard Briers onto the character and that seemed to fit quite well into the mildly comedic antics involving a bounty hunter, assassins, swingers with a bondage dungeon, the Italian Mafia, a French policeman, a small dog called Passepartout, and three hens called Ava Gardner, Rita Hayworth and Lana Turner.

I quite enjoyed it and will almost certainly read the next installments in the series. 7/10 😀

Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One

With the weather looking a bit changeable, we went to the cinema to see Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One, the seventh installment in the Mission: Impossible film series.

This story is a direct sequel to Mission: Impossible - Fallout and stars Tom Cruise as Ethan Hunt, alongside regular IMF sidekicks Luther Stickell (Ving Rhames) and Benji Dunn (Simon Pegg) as well as IMF Director Eugene Kittridge (Henry Czerny). Also returning are British agent Isla Faust (Rebecca Ferguson), and the shady black market fixer called the White Widow (Vanessa Kirby).

The mission is to recover one part of a cruciform key, trade it to a dealer and then follow him to see where it leads in the hope that they'll get both parts of the key and find out what it opens as their superiors believe it crucial for humanity's survival. If we don't have the key, which they think will give whoever has it, will have control over a mysterious and extremely powerful AI program called "The Entity". They also really don't want it falling into the hands of Gabriel (Esai Morales), a shadowy and somewhat nihilistic enemy from Ethan's past.

Needless to say, nothing goes to plan and when international thief Grace (Hayley Atwell) pickpockets the dealer before the meet and steals one part of the key,we're on board the usuall high quality stunts and special effects rollercoaster that Mission Impossible is famous for. We get car and motorbike chases, a runanway train, a time-limited nuclear bomb disarming, lots of edge of the seat tension and a high body count of thugs and henchmen (mostly).

It's must-see for fans of the franchise and we thoroughly enjoyed it. Can't wait for Part Two. 9/10 😀

Mossneuk Wood

The weather brightened up yesterday so we went for a local walk over to the wooded path around Neilston View Car Park, which is in Mossneuk Wood on the Lochliboside Hills. I'd never heard the name Mossneuk used until yesterday when I had a shot finding out what the wood was called.

Anyway, the walk involves a trudge, and I mean trudge, up Station Brae to get over the railway line and onto the hillside. Yes, you could park in the car park but where's the health gain in that?

The Route

On the way up Fereneze Road, you get a good view back across the Levern Valley to Neilston, including Crofthead Mill and Neilston Pad in the background.

Crofthead Mill and Neilston Pad from Fereneze Road

Once you're up there, it's all nice and pleasant woodland walking altough it can get a bit muddy if it's been raining but the going was good today. It looks like a lot of the trees were planted quite recently but there are fair number of older ones as well.

Mossneuk Wood, looking towards Knockenae Hill

When you take the path off Fereneze Road, fight your way through the nettles to the main track and turn left, downhill. Follow the track down and round to the right and it'll start to run parallel to Lochlibo Road. If you like foraging, there are lots of raspberries canes and blackberry bushes on the edges of the track here in the right seasons. The blackberries were starting to ripen so that probably explains why this walk took a bit longer than usual.

In Mossneuk Wood

 

You might also see a rabbit as there are loads of signs and deer as well, although we've never seen one here. There were quite a few Peacock butterflies around and we spotted a single Small Copper butterfly but my phone is no good at close-up shots. Earlier in year and there are usually loads of Ringlet and Meadow Brown butterflies as well. Lorna thought she saw a Skipper (no idea which and it's not really their normal range) but it...skipped. More likely another Small Copper.

If you keep on the track until it starts to turn uphill, you'll also see that it continues on through the trees and you can take that as an optional extension thatbtakes you to the out edge of the wood. In that field is a large electricity pylon so, if you're averse to getting close to them, then avoid that. If you do take it, then keep to the edge of the wood and you'll find the path back through to join back with the main path.

In Mossneuk Wood across from Neilston View Car Park.

Otherwise, just keep heading uphill and back until you see the path leading up to Neilston View Car Park and take that. From there, you can cross over Fereneze Road, go though a gate and walk a short loop round the upper part of the wood where you can get some nice views up onto the braes above. Once back at the gate, cross over the road to the car park and head back downhill again.

The track will eventually take you back to where you started and There are more photos I've taken  onto Fereneze Road again, from where you can head back from whence you came. There are some more photos I've taken up there here:

The Kissing Tree on Fereneze Braes

The walk from Neilston up to the Kissing Tree on Fereneze Braes via Killoch Glen is just over five miles there and back (six if you return via Gateside), which should take you about two hours plus whatever time you spend malingering at the tree, enjoying the views or any wee rests as you go.

The Kissing Tree

The walk starts and ends in the village of Neilston, which is well-served by rail from Glasgow Central Station and there are regular bus services from both Glasgow and Paisley. There’s also a decent-sized, free car park by the railway station. There's also an option to return via Barrhead, which might suit some using public transport.

The route takes you down to the start of Killoch Glen, a stunning little gorge with waterfalls and pools, and up onto the beautiful area of woodland and heathland that is Fereneze Braes with views out over Paisley and Glasgow.

The best time to do the walk is in the spring or autumn, when the weather is mild and the leaves are changing colour. However, it can be done all year round, as long as you’re prepared for the variable Scottish weather conditions. The bracken and gorse at the side of the path can get very thick over the summer and can obscure the way, which can get a bit tricky in poor weather.

The “Kissing Tree” is a name attributed to a rather windswept Hawthorn tree that stands alone on the top of the braes. I don’t think it’s the Kissing Tree mentioned in old texts of the area (see the end of this article) as that was supposed to be well-studded with nails and this one isn’t.

Part One - To Killoch Glen

1. Starting from the old bank building, currently Neilston Development Trust, on Main Street turn left and walk along Main Street, past the war memorial and shops, then turn left into Broadlie Road.
2. Follow Broadlie Road all the way to its end and go through a kissing gate onto a small track.
3. Follow the track, curving down and to the left and you’ll see Crofthead Mill ahead. It’s an old cotton spinning and thread-twisting mill founded in 1792 but, while it's no longer a mill and is a bit dilapidated-looking, it’s still a busy industrial area. Follow the track in that general direction until you see a gap that will let you out onto Holehouse Brae.
4. Head down to the bottom of Holehouse Brae and cross over Lochlibo Road, but be careful as it can be pretty busy with fast-moving traffic. Then head up Station Brae to cross over the Glasgow-Kilmarnock railway line.
   
5. At the top of Station Brae, turn right onto Ferenze Road and follow that until you reach the bridge over the Killoch Burn, just before the water treatment plant.

The Killoch Water

Part Two - Killoch Glen to Fereneze Braes

6. After looking at the old, broken bridge just upstream, take the footpath on the right hand side of the burn and follow it up through the glen, past the waterfalls and pools, until you see the signpost for Barrhead. The route up the glen is quite steep but there are a few benches on the way if you need a wee rest.
7. Once at the signpost for Barrhead, don’t be tempted to ignore it and head straight up the side of the nearby fence as, while it is the shorter route, it’s pretty hard going and better kept for when you’re coming back down.
8. Follow the Barrhead path until you’re clear of the trees and up on the edge of the moorland. There are some steps involved and another signpost so keep along the path until you see a route leading through the fence and onto the hillside - you should be able to see a small cairn in the distance, so head for that.
9. Once you get to the cairn, the view back towards Neilston and up the Levern Valley is quite good and it's a good excuse for a wee rest. You should also be able to see your goal, the Kissing Tree, off in the distance across the moorland.

A Lonesome Hawthorn

Part Three - To the Tree

10. Follow the track in the general direction of the tree until you reach an old stone wall.
11. There’s a break in the wall, so go through that and follow the line of the wall. It’ll eventually turn right so keep on and, when you reach the obvious hole in it just past where it joins another wall, go through that.
12. The path up to the tree should be obvious from here and, once you’re there, there’s a few potential sitting spots to have a packed lunch beside it. There’s usually a rope swing hanging from the branches if you’re feeling more adventurous.
13. Just past the tree, there’s another cairn and there are some fine views to be had out over Paisley and the surrounding area as well as over Glasgow.

Keep an eye out for Kestrels on the braes. We've seen one every time we're been up there, once even perching in the tree itself.

A Kestrel, hovering above the braes

Part Four - The Return to Killoch Glen

14. Walk back down the path that got you here but, instead of going back through the wall, continue on the path until you get to a kissing gate a little further on and go through that.
15. When you reach a signposted junction, either take the right turn for Killoch Glen along a wooden walkway, which is the way the rest of this guide is going, or continue on the path to Barrhead and that will eventually take you down to Graham Street in Barrhead and very close to the railway station.
16. Take care on the walkway as some of it is in poor repair and you might as well just use the wee track beside it if it’s dry. The route takes you back up the Levern Valley above the little hamlet of Gateside.
17. You’ll eventually come to a set of wooden steps leading down the hillside a bit so take those and, at the bottom, turn right back onto the path again.
18. You’ll end up back at the top of the fence, the one I suggested you avoid following earlier on the way up, that leads back down into Killoch Glen so take that and then turn left when you reach Killoch Glen and follow the path back down to the road.
19. You can then simply reverse your steps back to the start from Part Two above or, if you like a more circular walk, then read on.

The Levern Water at Gateside

Part Five - To Neilston via Gateside

20. Turn left and continue along Fereneze Road, past the water treatment works, to Gateside.
21. Turn right into Gateside Road and follow that windy little road, which crosses a bridge over the Levern Water, often the haunt of Dippers and Grey Wagtails, until you reach Lochlibo Road.
22. Cross back over Lochlibo Road, again watching for traffic as it is busy, turn right and after a short distance, turn up Donnie’s Brae and follow that to the top.
23. When you reach the top of Donnie’s Brae, cross over Neilston Road, turn right and head back uphill to Neilston. Take great care crossing the road here as it’s on a bit of a blind approach to traffic coming down from Neilston.
24. Follow the road into Neilston and you'll eventually get back to the old bank, where you started.

This is a great walk for those looking for a wee bit more of a challenge than the average countryside walk provides. The views from the top of the Fereneze Braes are stunning, and the glen is a beautiful place to walk through. Here's the route:

 

The Kissing Tree

Here's an extract from A History of the Parish of Neilston by Dr. David Pride…

"The Kissing Tree. —From Killoch Glen across Fereneze Braes to Paisley there is, and has been from time immemorial, a footpath, or right- of-way. From this path on the top of the hill on an early morning in summer, when the sun's rays are bursting athwart the broad expanse below, one of the finest and most extensive views is to be had of the surrounding country, a view which will well repay the early riser for his trouble. Formerly the " Kissing Tree," which was well studded with nails, stood on the crest of the hill by the side of this walk, connected with which tradition has it that the swain who succeeded in driving a nail into its gnarled trunk at the first blow was entitled to claim the osculatory fee. The tree has, however, long since disappeared, carrying with it the nailed record of many victories."

You can read the full account of this entertaining walk here (it’s nearer the bottom of the page):

https://electricscotland.com/history/glasgow/barrhead.htm

…and there’s a poem about it as well…

The Auld ‘Kissin' -Tree

"THEY are gone now for ever, those dear, happy days
When I climbed the steep side o' the Fereneze Braes,
And gazed on the scenes, so lovely to see,
As I stood on the hill by the auld "kissin'-tree."
The fields were a' green, and the flow'rs were a' fair,
For the beauties o' Nature had found a hame there;
But those lovely scenes, what were they to me
Compared wi' the stem o' the auld "kissin'-tree"?
For its trunk wis well pierced wi' nails a' aroon'
By the laddies from Barrhead an' auld Neilston toon,
And even frae Paisley, light-hearted an' free,
Some cam' ower the hills tae the auld "kissin'-tree."
How oft hae I watched the lad wi' his lass
Ca' a nail in its trunk before he wid pass,
And then turn aboot, wi' a bright smile o' glee,
To taste her sweet lips by the auld "kissin'-tree."
But noo it is gone, an' I mournfully stare
At the place whaur it stood, for I see it nae mair;
An', wi' a sair heart and a tear in my e'e,
I think on lansyne an' the auld "kissin'-tree."

Hugh Caldwell, circa 1840

Heading back to Killoch Glen

Killoch Glen

This picturesque little glen and the burn are long associated with witches because, at low water, the numerous pot-holes or rock-cut basins have worn into one another, giving the area an unusual shape. Witch-related names have been attributed to some of these shapes - the smoother parts between the holes are her “floor,” and her “hearth”; while the cavities, according to their shape and depth, are her “cradle,” her “water-stoups,” and her “grave”.

“Down splash the Killoch’s wimpling wave,

As through the glen the waters rave,

Far o’er the witch’s eerie grave,

Frae crag to linn,

Yon beetling rocks, they wildly lave,

Wi’ gurgling din.”

This song by James Scadlock, an engraver born in Paisley in 1775, is a bit cheerier (only a bit though):

“The sun's now setting in the west,
And mild's his beam on hill and plain,
No sound is heard, save Killoch Burn
Wild murmuring down its woody glen.”
“Will you gae to Glen Killoch, my Mary,
Whar the burnie fa's owre the linn;
Its murmurs are dear to me, Mary,
When borne on the saft-brcathin win.”
“Hark the winds around us swell,
Raving doon Glen Killoch dell,
Where aft wi thee, my bonnie Bell,

 

Breakfast at Harelaw Dam

After a long wait due to the weather not being ideal, The group finally got to visit Harelaw Dam for an outdoor breakfast at the Harelaw Trout Fishery & Café. This one has been on the wish list for some time so the visit was eagerly anticipated by everyone and it gave Raymond a break from the cooking.

I think we had our largest turnout so far with 15 of us attending and, while Raymond has done an excellent and well-appreciated job so far arranging and mostly cooking the breakfasts himself up till now, that level of catering is getting beyond the capabilities of a home kitchen, well, at least not without a lot of cursing. Time to scale up...

 

A Nice day on Harelaw Dam

 

The reservoir was built in 1844, extending to 102 acres, and it feeds into the Levern Water, which is the same little river that runs through Neilston, joins the White Cart and eventually flows into the River Clyde at Clydebank. If the weather is good, then it's an excellent place to relax or have a meal or snack outdoors. Also, if you're into fishing, then it has a good reputation locally as an excellent trout fishery.

 

 

Harelaw Dam Fishery

 

The fishery and café is run by Ross and Sylwia, who are in turn run by dogs Alba and Lucy who are pretty much always around - It's a very dog-friendly place. If you're feeling fit, then you can walk out there from Neilston, we've done that a few times, but remember that you have to walk back again. That said, it has a wee car park and there are couple of others nearby on Harelaw Road here, here and here if that's full.

We spent a couple of hours up there sitting outside chatting and relaxing and we enjoyed a very tasty Scottish breakfast. There were quite a few boats out fishing and a couple of hopefuls casting from the bank and jetty but it was very bright y were so maybe not the best weather for fishing. The last time we were up there, Ross mentioned that they were doing evening fishing sessions and those were pretty popular during the better weather.

 

 

Waiting on Breakfast

The Neilston Men's Group is a group of local men who get together regularly to socialise and participate in activities. They're committed to making a positive contribution to the local community, and believe that visiting Harelaw Dam was a valuable way to learn about some of the outdoor amenities available to the local community while taking advantage of the good weather.

While we were there, we had a visit from Liz Highet from Mearns Kirk Helping Hands, a charity that offers a free befriending service in East Renfrewshire. She explained that the organization did, how they could help with loneliness or isolation and that they were always looking for more volunteers. It's pretty much what our wee group offers to Neilston men but they have a wider scope as regards area and gender but are more focussed on one-to-one sessions.

So, many thanks to our leader Raymond for organizing the outing and to Ross and Sylwia for the excellent breakfast. There are a few more photos of the day and more of Harelaw Dam here:

 

 

If you’re interested in visiting Harelaw Trout Fishery & Café, then here are some more details:

• The fishery is located on the Moyne Moor in East Renfrewshire, near Neilston and is easily accessible by car.
• It’s open for fishing most of the year and the café is open until 4pm.
• There's a wide variety of moorland wildlife around the reservoir. An Osprey was spotted hunting on the water several times this year.
• There are toilets, a picnic area (if you brought a pack-lunch), and a shop that also sells fishing equipment.

For more information, please visit their website:

https://harelawtroutfishery.co.uk/

Meantime by Frankie Boyle

Meantime is a dark, funny, and thought-provoking debut fiction novel from comedian Frankie Boyle.

The story follows Felix McAveety, a currently-unemployed Glaswegian of Irish descent with a bit of a drug problem. When his friend Marina is found strangled in Kelvingrove Park, Felix sets out to investigate the murder along the way, he encounters a cast of colourful characters, including a Chinese drug dealer, a radical political activist, and a former Scottish spy.

It's set in 2015, not long after the Scottish Independence Referendum where Felix is "between jobs" and hops about in a haze of uppers and downers. When he's initially suspected of the murder, he decides to solve it himself, as the police don't seem to be that capable, and manages to enlist the aid of an ex-police/crime novelist and his somewhat unstable downstairs neighbour.

Boyle's writing is sharp and witty and, as anyone that knows his stand-up or TV work will be aware, he doesn't shy away from tackling difficult subjects. The novel explores themes of loss, grief, addiction, and political corruption. However, it is also full of dark humour, and Boyle's trademark wit shines through - so much so that I immediately imagined Felix's character as being Frankie, accent and all.

I found it a bit of a difficult read as it's so laden with Frankie's off-hand commentary on everything. If you're familiar with his stand-up act or his TV shows Tramadol Nights or New World Order, then you'll know what I mean - nothing is sacred or untouchable. Being a Glaswegian, I enjoyed recognizing the places and locations in the book and have almost certainly walked past the murder scene in Kelvingrove Park many times back in the 70s and 80s.

Meantime is not a traditional crime novel, it's certainly not a "whodunnit" in the traditional sense and the body count doesn't stop at just one, but it is a compelling and thought-provoking read once you get into it a bit and I found myself chuckling fairly often. Frankie's fans will find much to enjoy in this darkly funny and thought-provoking debut.

Overall, despite it not being a cheery an uplifting story, I enjoyed reading Meantime and I would recommend it to fans of dark humour and crime fiction. However, I would also warn them that the book is not for the faint of heart. 8/10 😅

Identifying the Landscape

Have you ever been out walking or climbing and taken some photos of what you think is some stunning scenery but have no idea what hills or mountains you're looking at?

Thankfully, there are a few resources that can help with that as long as you know where you were (or are) while looking. If you don't know where you are then I'd suggest you're lost and that's a whole different problem.

How to Find Out Where You Are

If you need to find your current GPS coordinates, then that's easily done (assuming you have a GPS-capable smartphone) using Google Maps. Google have a simple guide on how to do it using a computer or smartphone here: https://support.google.com/maps/answer/18539?hl=en

There are loads of free apps that will do much the same, although most are supported by ads. A compass app is also useful, especially if you're lost.

If you have a paper map and compass, then there are some decent guides on how to use those here:

• https://getoutside.ordnancesurvey.co.uk/guides/beginners-guide-to-using-a-compass/ 
• https://www.thegreatoutdoorsmag.com/skills/how-to-read-a-map-and-compass/
  

If you don't have a smartphone or a paper map and compass, then you really are lost I'd usually suggest finding a watercourse and following it downstream in the hope that it'll hit a road. I've never been lost in a desert or jungle and that strategy won't help in either of these scenarios so your best bet then is to use the sun (climbing a tree is optional but watch out for dragons):

• https://www.thegreatoutdoorsmag.com/skills/navigation/how-to-use-the-sun-to-navigate/
• https://www.wikihow.com/Determine-Direction-Using-the-Sun

Identifying Them Thar Hills

Okay, you know where you are (or were) and we can move onto identifying what you're looking at. Again, a smartphone or computer is the best way to do this but it can be done using a paper map and compass like we did years ago and I'm not going to describe how to that here.

These days, if I'm outdoors I'll try the PeakLens (Android) or Horizon Explorer mobile apps (Android and iOS). Sadly, the PeakVisor app is iOS-only and the PeakFinder app is not free. All of these apps will try and identify what you can see via your device camera using augmented reality.

If you've taken some photos and are enjoying a cup of hot soup or coffee after a day on the hills and are wondering what you're looking at, then here are a few online apps that can help identify any mountains, peaks or hills in them:

• PeakVisor Explorer - the app isn't available for Android but you can search here.
  
  

  

  Panorama from Neilston Pad
  

  
  
• PeakFinder - the app isn't free but the web app will let you search by name or GPS coordinates.
  
  

  

  Panorama from Neilston Pad

  
  

• Generate a Panorama - lets you generate a panorama given location and direction.
  
  

  

  Panorama from Neilston Pad
  

  
  

 

A Visit to The Burrell Collection

The Neilston Men's Group recently visited The Burrell Collection in Glasgow. The collection of artworks, then valued at about one million pounds, was donated to the City of Glasgow by Sir William Burrell and his wife Constance in 1944.

 

Originally opening to the public in 1983, the collection's 9,000 works of art spanning 6,000 years of history are housed in Glasgow's Pollock Country Park in a purpose-built museum. It's since undergone a full refurbishment and has re-opened in March 2022 in a brand new building. I'd been to the earlier museum so was keen to see what the new one was like. First impressions were good - it's much bigger, there's lots more glass so inside is much brighter and spacious, with lots of places to have a seat and enjoy it. The museum has done a great job of presenting the collection in a clear and accessible way. The galleries are spacious and well-lit, with informative labels and interactive displays.

 

Sadly, parking is no longer free and it'll set you back £5 per car now. That said, the car park was very busy when we got there just after 11 a.m. but it was a sunny day as the park, Glasgow's largest, was busy too and there are plenty of walking trails around that if you want to make a day of it.

 

The collection is a mix of Chinese art, medieval treasures including stained glass, sculptures, arms and armour, over 200 tapestries, and paintings by renowned artists including Rembrandt, Manet, Cezanne, Hals and Degas. There are even bits of furniture, carpets and several, very large carved stone portals.

The Reheasal by Edgar Degas

There are three levels in the building and most of the artwork rooms have plenty of information and some have videos that fill the walls. There's even an animated movie of the painting above (The Rehearsal) that brings the characters to life and pans around the room - it's really well done. Yes, there are lifts if you need one as well as stairs.

Burrell was obviously a bit of a magpie, well, one with a great deal of money, but he also seems to be of a different mould from most of the people that made their money from shipping in that he had a bit of a social conscience and a philanthropic nature as he wanted his prized collection to be viewed and enjoyed by everyone.

The group split up and we wandered around for about an hour before meeting back at the coffee shop for a welcome refreshment. We could easily have spent a few more hours wandering around so I'd be happy to go back sometime.

To offset that parking fee, there are what seemed to be free, regular guided tours on the go. There's also a decent sized restaurant and a coffee shop, as well as the wee coffee shop we used, several picnic areas, an exhibition space and the obligatory souvenir shop.

The web site has a very decent "Plan Your Visit" page where you can get all the information you need before you go - opening times, accessibility, and how to get there. You can also download the floor plan but you can get a printed copy of that from reception as well.

I wish I'd spotted the fact there's a mobile app that has an interactive guide to the museum before we went so, if you are planning on going to the museum, then this might be worth checking out. It's available for Android and iOS and can be downloaded from the Bloomberg Connects web site. The app features free digital guides with expert-curated content to over 200 museums, galleries, sculpture parks, gardens, and cultural spaces from around the world, including a few others in Scotland. 

There are more photos taken in The Burrell Collection here:

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny

We went to see Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny, the fifth installment in the Indiana Jones film series whuich has had a mixed reviews from critics but I'm glad we ignored any of them as it was very much in the mould of the previous movies and very entertaining.

The film's story centres around the Antikythera mechanism, an ancient Greek artifact that we now know is hand-powered orrery and described as the oldest known example of an analogue computer used to predict astronomical positions and eclipses decades in advance. That said, in the movie, it's also called the Dial of Destiny and attributed to Archimedes, an ancient Greek scientist well-known for running around in the buff while shouting "eureka", and supposedly it can be used to reveal the location of time fissures, wormholes through which one could travel back and forward in time.

The tale begins in 1944, near the end of World War II, and the Nazis are plundering arts and treasures as they retreat and pile it all on a train bound for Germany. In steps Indiana (Harrison Ford or at least his CGI-enhanced younger self) as he's heard they have the Spear of Destiny, the weapon with which the Roman centurion Longinus pierced the side of Christ on the cross. Here is also where we first meet this movie's Nazi villain, Dr. Voller (Mads Mikkelson). He and his thugs are also after the Spear.

Without wishing to reveal any spoilers, they also discover the Dial of Destiny on the train and as both Indy and Voller struggle to possess it, it's lost in the scuffle. Then we jump forward 25 years and, as Indy is set to retire, fate steps in as again Voller and his henchmen show up looking for the Dial and so does Helena (Phoebe Waller-Bridge), his old collegue Basil Shaw's (Toby Jones) daughter.

So, we have the hero, the villain and the femme fatale in place and things just go action mad from there on as the two, sometimes three groups vie for possesion of the mystical device.

John Rhys-Davies is back as Sallah as is Karen Allen as Marion Ravenwood and, with Denholm Elliot sadly gone, we have a very good replacement geek sidekick in the form of Toby Jones and even Antonio Banderas pops up as a Greek sponge diver.

All I can say is we both enjoyed it. It's a standard Indiana Jones romp and yes, it has some flaws and unlikelihoods but they all do. Yes, pedants, we don't know if Archimedes invented the Antikythera mechanism and maybe you could fly without a passport back then but it's all enjoyable hokum so just sit back and eat the popcorn.

Thoroughly entertaining 9/10 😀

The Satsuma Complex by Bob Mortimer

The Satsuma Complex is the debut fiction novel by Bob Mortimer, the comedian and presenter best known for his work with Vic Reeves and fishing adventures with Paul Whitehouse.

It’s a darkly comic crime thriller that follows the misadventures of Gary Thorn, a shy and unremarkable legal assistant working in Peckham, who becomes embroiled in a web of intrigue and danger after meeting a mysterious woman in a bar. It’s also a wee bit semi-autobiographical as Bob used to be a solicitor working in Peckham.

The story is full of Mortimer's trademark absurdist humour, from the opening scene, in which Gary has a conversation with a squirrel, to meeting his mate Brendan, a private investigator with a penchant for novelty socks, who subsequently turns up dead but not before giving Gary a phone number and a pendrive that looks like a corn cob. However, The Satsuma Complex is more than just a comedy; it is also a suspenseful and well-crafted crime novel. Mortimer does a skillful job of building tension and suspense, and the story is full of memorable characters, both good and bad.

One of the things that makes the story so enjoyable is Mortimer's ability to create a sense of place. The book is set in Peckham, South London, and Mortimer brings the area to life with his vivid descriptions of the streets, shops, housing estates and pubs. The reader can almost feel the heat and humidity of a summer's day in Peckham, and they can smell the fried chicken and curry from the local restaurants.

The Reeves and Mortimer style of comedy was never something I enjoyed that much…far too manic for me but Bob minus Jim Moir, as in his autobiography And Away… or in Mortimer and Whitehouse is a more serene experience even if we still get Boiler-Suit Man and Mr. Clown Shoes woven into the tale.

Overall, I found The Satsuma Complex a perfect choice for fans of Mortimer's comedy, as well as anyone who enjoys a good mystery. If you're looking for a funny, suspenseful, and well-written crime novel, then I highly recommend it. It's a great debut novel from a talented author. 8/10 😀

Walking on Gailes Beach in Irvine

Gailes Beach in Irvine is a place we regularly go for a walk or just to chill out. It's only 30 minutes drive away from Neilston so is much closer than Fuerteventura or Crete. Okay, those may have much nicer beaches and are generally warmer than Irvine but they're not just down the road.

Gailes Beach

Gailes Beach is roughly five miles long and runs from Irvine to Barassie. It's very flat and sandy, backed by a long series of sand dunes, and is kept pretty clean and tidy. It's easily reachable by car and there are regular bus and train services from Glasgow so it can get quite busy in the Summer. That said, walk a few miles along the beach and it's much quieter, with only the odd stalwart dog walkers and horsey types. We tend to do just that as there are some well-sized blocks you can sit on about half-way along, ideal to take a break at and enjoy the scenery.

A Snow-covered Isle of Arran

There are some splendid views to had from the beach. You can see Barassie and Troon to the South, Ailsa Craig and the Isle of Arran lie just offhsore. You can also watch the small fishing boats and larger ferries that ply the Firth of Clyde as well as a fair range of birds that use the beach and sea as a source of food. If you stay long enough, then there are some stunning sunsets to be seen as well.

Ailsa Craig at Sundown

There's often an ice-cream van near the coast guard-come public toilet building, some very nice coffee shops and cafés on the edge of the harbour if you need some refreshments and, if you're looking for a meal or a drink, then there's The Ship, which does some very decent bar meals.

There are more photos taken on Gailes Beach and Irvine Harbour here:

A Death in the Parish by the Reverend Richard Coles

A Death in the Parish is another Canon Clement mystery and the follow up to Murder Before Evensong.

Set some months after the first novel, things in Champton St. Mary are just beginning to return to a semblance of normality when the bishop decides to merge the parish with those of neighbouring Upper and Lower Badsaddle.

The merger brings with it a new associate vicar, who is a very different type of clergyman than Daniel, his wife and two teenage twin children. Chris Biddle is evangelical and charismatic, and he quickly clashes with Daniel's more traditional style of ministry.

Added into the mix are Miss March, the proprietor of the local dress shop; Miss Hawkins, an aging parishioner who's dying and wants Daniel and his mother Audrey to be executors of her will, and the Tailbys, a local couple known for preying on the old and less-capable. Daniel's mother Audrey is also struggling to come to terms with their poor financial status and Daniel's incapacity to understand such menial details.

This is a fair improvement on the previous novel. Yes, it's still a bit slow and plodding and again we're about 30% in before the main crime is committed but the author fills the void with lots of details about the village, his parishioners, their overlords the De Fleurs and the machinations and rituals of "The Church" until another murder rocks the village and Daniel again finds himself once again investigating it.

A Death in the Parish is a charming and insightful portrait of life in a small English village. Coles captures the sense of community and belonging that's so important to village life, and he also explores the challenges that such communities face when change comes.

Overall, A Death in the Parish is a well-written and enjoyable cosy mystery novel and well worth reading. It's a must-read if you've already read the first one of the series. 9/10 😀

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3

After waiting for weeks to go and see this, the weather finally let up and it felt cool enough to go sit in a dark cinema and enjoy it.

 

Peter Quill (Chris Pratt) and rest of the team from the previous movies are back again, with a reborn Gamora (Zoe Saldana), along with her sister Nebula (Karen Gillan), Drax the Destroyer (Dave Bautista), Mantis (Pom Klementieff) and Groot (Vin Diesel) on a rebuilt Knowhere. With Yondu (Michael Rooker) no longer with us, Kraglin (Sean Gunn) takes over his Ravager crew and has inherited his whistle-controlled weapon and Cosmo the Spacedog (Maria Bakalova), who has psionic powers, gets a much larger role. However, this movie is all about Rocket (Bradley Cooper).

Just as the team are settling into the new Knowhere, they're attacked by a super-powered being (Will Poulter) who tries to kidnap Rocket. The team manage to fight him off but Rocket is left seriously injured and he can't be healed normally due to having a killswitch embedded in him and so the tale is all about finding the killswitch override in the place that Rocket was made - Orgocorp. Of course, that's also home to this movie's baddlie, The High Evolutionary (Chuckwudi Iwuji).

During all this, we get Rocket's origin story. How he was modified and enhanced by Orgocorp, and how The High Evolutionary was enraged that Rocket might actually be smarter than he is, so much so, that he wants his brain removed for more experimentation.

So, as before, we get a stonking sound track of mostly retro music tracks and loads of humour woven through the storyline. Peter is pining for the Gamora he lost, Gamora has no memory of Peter, Nebula is still trying to run things, Mantis still has her empathic control thing, Drax is still an idiot and Groot is still "I am Groot!" and it all works brilliantly.

Altogether one of Marvel's better movies and, even though some people are saying it's the end of Guardians of the Galaxy, the closing line does say "Star-Lord will return!"

9/10 😀

 

A Visit to the Glasgow Museums Resource Centre

The Neilston Men's Group visited the Glasgow Museums Resource Centre (GMRC) in Nitshill today. The GMRC is basically the storehouse for the city museums' collections, when they're not on display at any of the venues, and is home to an impressive collection of around 1.4 million objects, from animals to armour, fine art to fossils, and much more. With only 2% of the collections on display in museums at any one time, you begin to realize just how many objects are stored here - it's huge!

 

A Coal Merchant's Lorry

 

The Resource Centre is made up of 17 environmentally controlled storage "pods", each with a different theme and collection, and visitors can explore these pods through a wide range of tours, talks and activities.

 

We opted for a one hour taster tour, which meant we only had time to visit two of the pods.

Grant, our guide, took us through the warren of corridors to the transportation pod, which contained everything from penny farthing cycles to more modern sports cars, prams to steam engines, motor bikes to lorries and so on. All in all, a varied mix of vehicles, which reminded me a bit of the exhibits in the Riverside Museum so it's likely these were part of that place's stock to draw on.

Suits of Armour

The second pod we visited, via a huge goods elevator, was full of arms and armour and Grant proved very knowledgeable about almost everything in there. It was a vast repository of historical arms (guns, rifles, pistols, swords, daggers, maces, etc.) and many suits of armour.

 

The only downside to having so many objects is that there are no fancy wee descriptive plaques or notes on any of them. Some have handwritten tags attached, mostly there are just reference numbers. You really do need a guide to tell you about what you're looking at.

I imagine we'll try and get back to visit some more the pods but, until then, there's a good virtual tour online of you want to see what's on offer:

 

Just to finish with a bit of humour, here's a sign displayed on the wall of one of the many corridors:

Gonnae No Dae That!

Recording My Walks

Walking is good for you and helps keep you healthy and fit so I thought I’d list a few useful online and mobile resources that can be used to track what you do and how you’re doing.

A Bit Of History

Back in 2013, when my doctor told me my blood sugar was too high and I was on the way to getting type 2 diabetes, Lorna got me a little Fitbit One tracker and I started trying to hit the 10,000 daily steps target (as well as cutting down on the sugar intake). That, along with the MyFitnessPal app to track my calories and moving to Neilston for the cleaner air and the countryside, kept the diabetes at bay.

The Fitbit One's downfall was twofold.

 

Firstly, it relied on a being in a wee rubber case with a clip that was used to fix ito your pocket, belt or whatever. It was easily lost and I did that a few times. It connected using Bluetooth so I managed to find it in the garden a few times but eventually I lost it, I think on the train. That said, I messaged Fitbit about it and they kindly sent me a replacement.

Secondly, the battery was non-replaceable, well at least not easily, so it eventually died as all such  things do. Built-in obsolescence is a bitch!

As a keen photographer, I was already using my mobile phone and other things to record my GPS tracks so I could geotag any photos that I’d taken on my non-GPS-enabled dSLR camera. It was quite early days for doing that and those apps are mostly gone now, some killed by Android updates, some just let die off by developers, overtaken by what we have now…progress.

I even wrote a blog article on how I geotagged photos back then - How I Geotag My Photos.

What I Use Now

I currently use a Fossil hybrid smartwatch that takes a cheap, replaceable battery that lasts about six months, and the Fossil Smartwatches App to track my steps (and other things) but if I want to track a walking route, then I use the Runkeeper app.

I’ve used the Strava app before with good results but it produced very dodgy GPS tracks on my previous phone so now I track using Runkeeper, then download the GPX file from that and upload it to my Strava account. That way I have two online copies of the data. I can also use the GPX file to geotag photos taken with my dSLR camera.

Mobile App Suggestions

Here’s a list of what I suggest you look at, if you want to dabble in step recording/walk tracking. I’ve tried a fair few such apps over the years and all of the following have apps for both Android and iOS and are either free or offer free accounts that will do the job for most people.

Google Fit

If you have a Google account, then this free app is well worth checking out. It’ll let you record steps, track workouts, set goals, set a pace for your walks, track your respiratory rate, and check your heart rate. The last two features use your mobile phone camera, no add-ons needed. You can even manually add and track activities, hydration, meals, weight and blood pressure readings as well.

It can also be linked to other apps to share data. For example, it gets sleep data from my Fossil app.

Samsung Health

If you have a Samsung Galaxy mobile or smart watch (and a Samsung account), then this free app is another option worth looking into. It’ll let you record steps, track workouts, set goals, . You can even manually add and track activities, sleep, meals, hydration, and weight readings as well.

Runkeeper

You’ll need to sign up for a free account to use this app but it’ll do almost everything you need to track your walking, running, cycling, etc.

The web view will let you see more information, manually add or even edit activities (including the route), create a route that you can share, and it’ll let you export your activities to GPX or KML (Google Earth) files.

There’s also a social aspect to the app as it’ll let you decide who can see your activities

Strava

Again, you’ll need to sign up for a free account to use this app and it’ll do almost everything you need to track your walking, running, cycling, etc.

The web view will let you see more information, manually add activities, and it’ll let you export your activities to GPX files.

As with Runkeeper, there are social aspects to the app. You can follow other users as I do and it’ll even recognise when you’re walking together.

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Lastly…if you have an Apple iPhone, then you might want to try the Apple Fitness app but it doesn’t get great reviews and Apple is really pushing their subscription-only Apple Fitness+ app.

Vera Wong's Unsolicited Advice for Murderers by Jesse Q. Sutanto

Lorna was reading this on holiday and, having had to put with quite a few chortles, I thought I'd give it a read as well.

 

Set in San Francisco’s Chinatown, the tale follows Vera Wong, the owner of a forgotten tea shop, a self-proclaimed tea expert, and a Chinese mother. Vera’s normal routine is to get up at 4:30 a.m, go for a brisk walk, and have a shower before texting her son to remind him to get up and find a wife and then opening up her tea shop. The tea shop is sadly failing and she really has only one regular customer these days.

However, her routine is shattered one morning when she comes down to the shop and finds a dead body on the floor. The man, it's a man, is unknown to her but he's holding a flash drive in the hand so, after calling the police like a good citizen, she pockets the flash drive and then draws an outline around the body in permanent marker (she has no tape) as she's seen them do that on TV and she wants to be helpful. She might also have checked his pockets for clues as well.

Vera is a woman with time on her hands so, when the police fail to check for fingerprints or take DNA samples, she decides it's up to her to solve this crime. So she begins to collect a list of suspects, beginning with anyone that turns up at her shop looking for information about the murder because, as everyone knows, murderers aways return to the scene of the crime!

This one is a gem. It's a very decent, reasonably paced whodunnit that kept me guessing to the end. Vera is a very opinionated person that speaks her mind, regardless of anyone's sensitivities, and she really knows her teas so it's filled with plenty of humour, a fair bit of compassion and plenty of tea.

A thoroughly enjoyable read! 8/10 😀

A Walk from Findochty to Portknockie and Back

It was nice to be back up on the Moray coast for a week's break. We were staying in the wee village of Findochty (also sometimes called Finechty) so our first walk was from there to the neighbouring village of Portknockie.

Findochty from the clifftop path

It's a fairly straightforward plod up to the clifftop from the beach and then follow the fairly wide path to Portknockie and on to Bow Fiddle Rock, a natural quartzite sea arch, so called because it resembles the tip of a fiddle (violin if you're posh) bow. After a break for lunch sitting on one the benches near Bow Fiddle Rock, we headed back to Findochty.

It's a fairly pleasant and level walk with fields on the inland side and lots of fragrant and yellow-flowering gorse bushes on the cliff side. I spotted a wee Viviparious lizard sitting on top of a mole hill, probably because it was warmer than the grass, and it didn't seem to mind me pointing a camera at it. 

As for birds, there were quite a few Skylarks nesting in the fields and lots of Yellowhammers on the gorse.

Bow Fiddle Rock and the accompanying crags and stacks had plenty of noisy Herring gulls, Razorbills, Guillemots, and Cormorants diving and wheeling around.

Bow Fiddle Rock

The distance there and back is just over four and a half miles so allow two to three hours for an easy walk and a break for a snack.

The Walking Route

Here are a few more pictures taken on the day:

A Rocky Coast

Moray Coast